Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Lukey, Lucky and Me Part-1
John Elton Pope, William Earl Pope, Jr. and Justin McBride were life-long friends.
The three of us wuz tight’ern cream ‘n milk (and you know the only thang tight’ern that is the cow.) We done ever thang agether. Whur you seen one youse apt to see the other’n.
Let me tell ya a story ‘bout the celebrashun in town ever year on the fourth day of July.The oginizers of the ‘vent put on bettern good show. All these thangs wuz for the whole fambly. Ma’s and pa’s and everbudy.Let me tell you ‘bout the things they’d planned. The had everthang. And I mean everthang. Why they’s a pig catchin’, a pole climbin, sack races, lemonade, watermelon seed spittin, horse shoe chunkin, goat restlin, and pie eatin contest an a whole lot more.
For the growed ups theys, baseball on donkeys, also a big pie eatin contest. They had a cage where one person got p in there and everybody else throwed baseballs a trying to dump that there one n a tub of water.
Now this here all started ‘bout ten o’clock in the mornin and quit ‘bout ten oclock in the night. We eat dinner and supper rite there in the park. After all this they’s a great big farwurks thang. Man! This was the funnest day of the whole year!
Lukey, Lucky and me got there early and kind spied thangs out. We always took pride in what we could do at that there celebrashun. There wuz certain thangs we wanted to git a edge on if ‘n you know whut I mean.
We wanted to check out the pole clim’in, tha pig catchin, watermelon seed spittin, goat restlin, and the pie eatin contest. We felt shur that one t’other of us wuz shore to win most of these contests. I didn’t enter the sack race bacuz there wuz only three uf us and there needed to be four (you see they’s two to a sack.) The first event wuz the horse shoe chunkin. Lucky and me didn’t even try that.
Lukey wus taller than we wuz and he had more muscles than we did. The objec wuz to chunk a horse shoe (minus the hoss) and come close to a iron stob the one closes to the stob was a winner. The very bes chunk was a “ringer.” That’s whur the horseshoe landed around the stob.Well we wuz there and reddy to go.
So let the games begin!!!
Lucky Lukey and Me Part 2
Tha switch that turns you onLukey went n for that horseshoe chunking determin to win. He’d already been practizin in the yard at the house. He took aunt Mary’s tin tub and tried to pitch rocks ‘bout the size of a cannalope into the tub. Boy he got good at that. He would chunk ten an ‘bout seven would go in. He got better and better in tha weeks jus b’for tha celebrashun. As he practized them rocks bent tha sides of tha tub and knocked holes in tha botton. We nun didn’t notice this ‘til Aunt Mary started to wash some clothes in tha tub. She noticed tha bends in tha tub and yelled out, “LUCKY GIT OUT HERE RITE NOW!!!” That wuz her furst wurds when sumpin went wrong.Lucky come a runnin and he never thought much ‘bout that tub being bent. (Lucky wuz tha most hard-headed one of tha two Aunt Mary jus guessed he wuz tha one tore up tha tub.)
When Lukey heard Lucky’s name called he lit out fur the swamp. Lucky made tha mistake uf laffin’ at tha water pourin frum the tub. Aunt Mary jus picked up that tub and poured tha whole thang over lucky. (Now don’t ask me how she done it, I don’t know. Less’ern it wuz one uf them thangs where you have more strangth that you calls up when yore mad. Whatever it wuz, she had it.)
That weren’t all what she done. Aunt Mary went over to tha “switch bush” (it’s called that ‘cause that’s whur tha long limbs of tha bush are and long limbs make good switch tan yore hide when you needed beatin. Tha “board of edgycashun” took the place of the switch when you grew up a little more.)
Well Luckey went to runnin’ and Aunt Mary went to chasin’. Runnin’ and chasin’ and a runnin’. Aunt mary had her dress pulled up to whur you could see her “bloomers” so she could run faster. Lucky had all he could do to stay ahead of her-but that’s what he done.
After a little bit Aunt Mary stopped in her tracks and let down her frock. Lucky stopped ‘bout twenty-five yards frum her.Aunt Mary yelled at him, “That’s alright boy you gotta come sometime a nuther!”And that wuz so true. Suppertime would come a calling and Lucky would want to eat. But the thang wuz he hadn’t done a thang.
You’ll see later on that time after time Lukey had the fun and Lucky had to run. In fact me and lucky spent a lot’o our time just thanking what we could do to git Lukey into trouble. Like when Merleen Griffen kissed him in the church that time. I’ll never fergit hit.Meenwhile Lukey wuz a hidin in the swamp but not too deep so as to be able to see an hear whut happent to Lucky. They say, “ever dog has it’s day” and fur doing this to Lucky, Lukey had a day a comin’. Only he didn’t know it wuz a comin.
Aunt Mary wuz right. Lucky wuz a gittin haungry (now there’s a difference in hungry and haungry. Hungry meant that you could eat sumpin. Haungry meant yore back bone wuz a telling your stomack, “either feed me or I’m a gonna take you to cort for non support.”) When you’re hungry, you belly makes a sound like a kitten purring. When you’re haungry it sounds more lack one of them lions that ain’t ett in a week or two. Haungry wuz what Lucky wuz. He’d already stayed in the corn crib way past supper and he wuz a wantin supper and his bed.
Lucky cided after ‘bout nine o’clock he’d been out there long enuff. Aunt Mary and Uncle Bill were in tha bed ‘round seven thurty so Lucky wuz shore tha path wuz cleeer.He crept down tha ladder from tha loft (that’s upstares in tha barn). Jes when his foot hit the groun the first of many strokes of that switch caught him just abuv the knee. He started to run agin. Aunt Mary wuz right behin him. This time she had her night clothes on and she had more room fer her legs to move. Lucky tried to run faster but he jes couldn’t outrun her. She wuz a matchin him step fur step.Step and switch, swipe and run, they’s a runnin like they wus in the army and a marching step fur step. Aunt Mary would swing that switch in betwixt steps. It was a thing to behold. It looked like sumbudy had mapped out each step and each swing of that switch.
Suddenly Lucky stopped running. You see, there wuz a trick that tha three uf us played on each other. If’n it ever wuz that one started a chasin’ tha other tha one in front would just fall down and ball up and tha one behind would trip and fall over the one that stopped. Yep! That’s what Lucky done. He stopped balled up in a ball and Aunt Mary was caught too late to stop. She tumbled ‘bout ten feet. Let me say she didn’t jus tumble, she rolled for ‘bout fifteen feet in all.
Well Aunt Mary and Uncle Bill raised chickens that they let run loose in the yard.Do I have to tell you any more?OK! I will. Aunt Mary rolled through a mess of black and white chicken fertilizer and when she got up her night-gown looked like leppard skin ‘cause of that (and this is just as euphemistic as I can say it) chicken fertilizer. Lucky opened his mouth to laugh, but he knowed he better not. And he didn’t know if this thing wuz over or not.
Lucky swore (although he weren’t sposed to swear) he wuz gonna git Lukey back fer this ‘un iff’en he had to take forty beatings.When you read please, please post a comment so I will know you were here.
Lukey Lucky and me part 3
Put through the ringerYou know how we left off that thang wid Aunt Mary? Member? She wuz lying on da groun’ covered with fertilizer. Kinda puts a body in mind of one a them peenut logs ‘cept wid out tha peenuts. That’s to be continured.
Now let’s git on wid the party in tha park. Lukey was one of twenty (20) that wuz going to chunck horseshoes. Heere’s whur he put that practice ta work. In order to win hit all, alls you had ta do wuz to win four games strait. First there wuz twenty, then there wuz ten, then there wuz 5, then there wuz three and finly there wuz two. Lukey worked hisself up to the champiun ship roun’ by chunking fourteen ringers thru his tot’l games. Now the heat’s on.
Lukey took a gander over to his ‘ponent fur tha last and champshun ship game. To his suprize hit wuz a girl. It wuz Margaret Prince! Lukey most dropped his teeth.Now Margaret won’t big nor tall in fact she wuz kinda cute. (Did I SAY THAT????) Fact wuz she wuz the first girl I ever thought wuz cute (borderin on purty.)
Try as he wuld, he didn’t evun come close. Guess he wuz nervous being challunged by a shemale. As the game went on Lukey and Margaret wuz tied up. The score wuz 9 ta 9 and you had ta win by two points. Lukey throwed a nuther leaner and Margaret went and chuncked a hourseshoe that knocked Lukey’s right off the post and two feet away. That made tha score 10 ta 9. Lukey won the next roun’ and they’s tied 10 ta 10.Hit wuz Lukey’s turn and he throwed a ringer. Tha only way fer Margaret ta win wuz fer her ta throw a topper. SHE DID!! Shock set in for all three uf us.Margaret had won one of the bestest games uf all. Tha three uf us wuz in shock. But there wuz other avents ta go.
Next come the pig chasin. Now that ‘un wuz our’n fer shore!!!
Lucky, Lukey and Me Part 4
They put off tha pig catchin’ cause they cudden’t ketch tha pigs to put em in tha pin. So we went on to the sack race.It’s in the Bag!Lucky an Lukey teamed up fer tha sack race adder all. I couldn’t wait to see Lucky and Lukey win that un. After all jest lack tha horseshoe throwin’ they’d practiced at home. All the toe sacks (that’s what we stuffed corn in and anything else it’d hole. I thank it us called “burlap”) wuz full so they jest took a pillar case from tha pillar in Lucky’s room an used hit. Uh! Oh! Here’s more truble fer Lucky. When Aunt Mary finds that pillar case a missin’. Member that fertilizer roll ain’t over yet. Now here’s sumpin’ else to add to tha pot.
Everbody wuz on tha start line and reddy to git a going but me. I wuz on tha side watching an a fixin to holler to tha top of my lungs fer Lucky and Lukey to win. Jest then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned ‘roun and there wuz Margaret with a sack in her hand.Margaret said, “You wanna ta les race in this sack?” My mind said , “No way!” But that ain’t whut come outern my mouth. I didn’t bleave my ears when I said, “I..I…I gggg uess so.”
Oh good Lordy what had I done? She took tha bag and I follered her to tha start line. Both my knees wuz a shakin and I cudn’t hardly stan on one lag to put the othern in that bag. I put tha shakiest foot in that bag that I could muster up. She put her lag in with mine. I felt jest like a fool here with my leg in a bag and my arm ‘roun Margaret’s wase an her arm ‘roun my wase. I done some scary thangs in my life but I thought this wuz tha scariest. I got myself ina mess an it wuz jest because she didn’t have nobody to race with her.
Tha bad thing ‘bout it wuz everbudy would shore see me since they warn’t a nuther girl in tha race. Oh! Lordy, Lordy jest how did I git myself in this sitiation? It wuz too late to pray now.
We wuz on tha line and tha whisul wuz a gonna blow enny secont.
WHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!!!!
That wuz the whisul an we took off fast as we could. Air legs wuz just the right match for us to run fast. Air hip bones brushed together as we run. (Oh my God! Did you hear what I jest said.? I AM A BRUSHING HIP BONES WITH A SHEMALE!!!) I shore wuz glad the race warn’t a long one. It us bout long as the path frum the house to the old toilet that we never used no more. Anyways I wanted it to be over jest’s fast as hit cud.
I wuz a runnin’ wid my eyes shut, an I wuz a runnin’ fast. I thought if’n I wuz to shet my eyes maybe, jest maybe folks wudn’t know who I wuz.
Not!!!!
Anyhow we wuz runnin’ and danged if we weren’t a doin purty good. I member peeping a time or two an we, Margaret an me, wuz a winnin’. Margaret Prince and me wuz a runnin’ faster than I ever run b’fore. Tha finish line wuz a piece of backer twine stretched betwixt two trees. I felt tha strang git tite across my chest and then I felt hit break. By golly we’d won-Margaret an me!! Jest as we broke that twine we tripped and fell. We’s both laying on tha groun’ laffing. I laffed so hard my sides felt like they’d split.
Then sumpin’ turribul happent. She looked at me and said, “Thank you Martin, I had fun.” Did I hear her right. Martin! She knowed my name. I wonder did she know all my name. Justin Martin McBride, Jr. that’s me. An she called me Martin. Uf all my whole name I hated Martin and she called me Martin. I wuz about to tell her never to do that agin but when I turnt my head an looked in her eyes tha worse thang in the worl happent. She kissed me dead on the lips.Next thang I know I wuz awaking up by Margaret a sayin, “Martin, Martin! You alright?” Come to fine out I musta passed out or sumpin. (Folks, I really swooned although I didn’t know nothing about such as that. Now when you swoon you lose awareness as to your surroundings. It ain’t nothing unusual for that to happen when one receives his/her first kiss.) I herd her a sayin’ my name, the one I hated, and it sounded so good when she said it. It wuz like a bird singin’ my name.Alls I cud thank uf was that kiss Merleen put on Lukey in the church house. But this’un wuz diffrunt.I FELT SICK TO MY STOMACK!!!
Lukey, Lucky and Me-P art 5
A Pig in a Poke
Tha sack race wuz over, I’d done been kissed and tha prizes wuz ‘gone ta be give out when all tha stuff wuz over. Now here wuz a embarcing thang if there ever wuz one. They’s gonna ‘nounce tha names of tha winners. Over tha loud speaker I wuz gone ta hear my name in tha same sentence as Margaret Suzette Prince! Warn’t nuttin worsern that. Bad enough I fell down in a sack with her, now everbudy wuz a gonna hear my name with hers.
I cudn’t stan hit so I run and hid bahind a great big oak tree and by this time Lucky and Lukey made their way ta whur I wuz. I ain’t never seen them a grinning no wider than they wuz now. They’s both a saying, ”Margaret, Margaret, saw her hit the target.” And “Justin’s in luv. Justin’s in luv.” J. M., Jr. wuz my real name.” My pa wuz Justin Martin and so wuz mine ceptin fer tha Jr. part. I yelled, “SHUT UP AND LET’S GO CATCH A PIG.” Thay said, “ Looks like you already did. A red headed one.”
Tha folks a runnin’ tha thang had fin’ly got them pigs in tha pen and wuz reddy ta go. Me and Lucky and Lukey went to look into tha pen a fore they’s let out. What we saw wuz anuff to make a person go crazy. There in that there pen was ten uf tha ugliest hogs I done ever seen. Why they had black grease all over ‘um. It won’t gone a be jest a simple pig catchin’, it wuz a greasy pig catchin’. Tha grease wuz added since last year. Hit wuz hard enuff ta ketch em without tha grease. That’s already been seen when thay’s a trying to ketch ‘em and git ‘em in tha pen. Now thay wuz gonna count ta ten and let’ em go. Tha furst one ta ketch one and hole it slam up offern the groun’ wuz tha winner. Now all four feet had ta be up offern tha groun. We just had ta win this’un. One uf us had ta be tha one a holdin’ a pig. That gate wuz throwed open and them pigs lit out. We wuz in the fenced-in ball field so they cudn’t run but jest so fer. I grabbed one by tha hind leg a one and Lukey grabbed hit by tha snout (snout is tha pigs nose.) We figured Lucky, since he wuz short and strong ta boot, cud take a hold of the middle and lift hit up. Jest as Lucky wuz ‘bout ta take a good hold that pig bit Lukey and he let go. Lucky didn’t even get a hold and I wuz drug ‘bout ten feet and I let go.We all stood up an “surveyed tha plot” so to speak. There wuz a storm ditch a runnin’ crossed ways tha field. It only stood ta reason that if’n one uf us wuz ta git down in tha ditch and tha other two chased a pig down tha ditch tha one in tha ditch could ketch it. Sounded like a plan ta me. Lucky got in tha ditch and me and Lukey wus tha chasers. Well everthang went good ‘til James David Tadlock got in tha ditch in front of Lucky. That pig run straight ta James and he made a grab for it. He almost got it too. But, that hog run right through his legs. Turns out he wuz “so bow legged he couldn’t hem a hog up in a ditch.” You heard dat b‘fore! Right thru James’ legs and into Lucky’s arms that’s whur that pig run. Lucky come up outtern’ that ditch with that pig and he wuz da clared da winner.We wuz so happy at Lucky’s win that they fergot, ‘bout me and Red (Margaret) fer a little while. We three headed over for tha lemonade stan to cool off with a nice cold glass.
Copyright © 2004 - Ed Powers All Rights Reserved
