by Ed Powers
These stories are rated "G" for general audiencies.
"Gators!" They are most often seen in the eastern counties of North Carolina as well as the deep south eastern US. They grow up to thirteen to eighteen feet and are able to sprint for short distances up to thirty (30) to fifty (50) MPH. There is a picture of a real one above. The one referred to in this story is completely fictional. (So don't believe a word of it!)
'Round here we never see a gator. Never, never do we see a gator.So when my cuzin’ Lukey come up frum that branch (that’s another word for swamp case you didn’t know) that day shakin’ all over and white as a ghost tellin’ me and Lucky, (that’s his twin brother but they ain't really twins they just look so much alike people allways took them for twins.) ‘bout the biggest ‘gator he ever run up aginst, well you can see how we was doubtin’ the telling of the whole thang.
In the first place there ain’t never been no ‘gator fifty feet long and never ever has there been one that breathed fire and coughed out chicken bones and whole posssums. But that’s just how Lukey tole it to us.
Anyhoo, Lucky and me gotta git to the bottom of this here story fer shore. Only thang, we can’t never do it 'til Lukey 'cides to come with us rite back to the place where he wuz suppozin to have seen the ‘gator. And he swore he weren’t gonna go back down there fer one cent lessern a hunnernt dollers.
Well that was shore outtern the question!!
So we, me and Lucky, had to fine a nuther way to perswade him to a cumpny us to de spot no matter whut da cost..
The biggest gator I ever saw part 2
The Kiss Deal
Ever story needs a little romance in it.
We'd done offered Lukey everthang we had to go with us back down to the branch and show us where that gator wuz. He'd turned down my BB gun (and boy wuz I glad of that). Lucky offered him his ju-vim-ber (uh-oh here's a nuther 'splainer I think).
(A Ju-vim-ber is a small forked branch of a tree shaped into a "Y" to which two lastic or rubber bands are attached and a leather pouch thing is kinda attached between them and then you put a rock or perferbly a marble in the lether part and when you pull that pouch thang back between the forked branch and let it loose that marble or rock goes a flying and breaks out what ever your a shootin' at. (Usually a street light or a window pane)).
Oh Well, Lukey didn't even want to go down there for the prize of all time--my special Barlow jack knife for which I wouldn't have traded anyhoo! I just wanted to test him out and see if'n he woulda done it.
So Lucky an me finely 'cided on the "plan of all plans".
Lukey had been admirin' this little girl in the neighborhood for quite a while. Fact is, he really wuz in luv, least that's whut me and Lucky thank.
We would try an git Merleen Griffin to trade a kiss to Lukey if'n he would go with us to see the gator. This wuz a major plan. We had to talk and bargan with Merleen and then bargan with Lukey to make it work.
Merleen said she'd kiss him dead on the lips.
Lukey wuz excited 'bout the plan 'cause he wuz fin'ly gonna git a kiss frum his tru luv. Man! I wouldn't let no girl kiss me dead on the toe much less the lips and Lucky swore to me he wouldn't neither. I guess Lukey wuz just differnt'n me and Lucky. We never seen a girl we wanted to be 'round much less kiss.
Only thang is--Merleen's price!!
SHE WANTED TO COME WITH US TO SEE THAT GATOR!!!
Never, Never, Never wuz I ever gonna let no shemale come with us to no branch to see no gator.
biggest gator part 3
The Kiss of Death!
This is probably the funniest part of the whole story! After all this is where the "kiss" really took place.
Lukey's ma, Aunt Mary, allus made him go with her to the church house ever time the doors wuz opened. That's where we (Lucky, Lukey, and myself) planned for Merleen to actually do the kissin'. It was all sposed to take place on the third row from the back while the preacher was praying and "ev'ry eye closed and ev'ry head bowed." (That's preacher talk for "nobody lookin' at nobody" so'zen nobody would feel guilty 'bout raisin their hand if'n they was to have been sinnin')
Well the plans wuz laid and Lucky and me couldn't hardly wait for the kiss to take place.
There wuz some things Lucky and me had to do afore the actual "kissin' ceremony" (we called it a ceremony 'cause it wuz a takin' place in the church house.)
The afternoon before the service Lucky and me went to the church and did a little preparin'. When we all three, Lukey included, went to church we wuz accustomed to sitting on the third row frum the back where we did anything to keep frum listenin' to Preacher "Sparks".
(Sparks wuzen't his real name we jus called him "Sparks" 'cause when he preached, Lukey, Lucky and me could feel the sparks of hell on our breetches and we trembled as we smelled the smoke frum the brimstone fire).
Most times we carried some type of distraction or nuther. This row was the only one close to the back which had a knot hole under the row in front of it and if'n we wuz caught playin' with somthing, we just poked it through that knot hole and went under the church later and got it back. (You see the church didn't have anything 'round the edges like underpinnin' so it wuz easy to crawl under.) That knot hole was a important part of Lucky's and my plan. We carried what is called a "country matchbox" with us and took a thumbtack and fastened the outside of the box to the floor allowing us to tie a string to the "drawer" part of the box and through the knot hole so'zen we could slide that inside part out from the outside of the church.
Then we used a thumb tack to hold the outside down then we could tie a string to the inside and slide it out. That string wuz run thru the knot hole and to the underneath and outside of the church.
(Again, check out my image gallery to find out how the box functioned.)
You can see by the picture in my gallery how this thing worked. When the box wuz rigged up like this we could easily open it from the outside of the church house by pullin' on the string.
But! Inside that matchbox we put a mouse (we picked out a mouse 'cause its the only thing Merleen has ever been 'fraid of.) It wuz easy for us to pull that string and let the mouse out when ever we wanted. This had to be done at jus' the right time or the 'ffect would be wasted.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT PLAN WORKING???
Me and Lucky plan'd to be peaking through the winder next to where the kiss wuz to take place.
So having done all this, Lucky and me just slipped up to the winder and waited for the preacher to start praying and Merleen and Lukey to pucker up.
It happen't jus like we thought it would. Lukey puckerd, "Sparks" prayed and Merleen (pretty as she wuz) made the most gosh awful pucker I had ever seen. It kinda minded me of a certain part of a chicken (the part that went over the fence last).
Man! wuz she ugly now.
Everbody in the church had "ever head bowed and ever eye closed" in the usual fashion.
Lukey closed his eyes (but I don't know what for lessen it wuz to perteck hisself from the nasty look on Merleen's face). Merleen was the only one with her eyes opened. Just as she wuz 'bout to kiss Lukey, I pulled that string sliding out the "drawer" part of that matchbox and that mouse was pokin' his little head outen the end of the box. This is what Merleen saw as she wuz 'bout to lay one on Lukey.
biggest gator part 4
The Church Uproar
Just as Merleen wuz about to kiss Lukey she saw that mouse.
Now folks, I don't have to tell you what that did to her. She let out with a scream that would curdle milk and break ever eardrum within forty feet. She wuz a stompin' her feet and jumpin' up and down on that pew like her feet wuz a'fire. And she didn't stop screaming either.
Now! "every eye wuz open an ever head raised".
The preacher came running back to her, grabbed her, and drug her to the altar. There all the "sisters" in the church began to "lay hands" on her and pray for what they wuz a'thinkin' wuz a demon to come out of her. I ain't never heard such prayin' in my life and to tell you the truth, I wuz 'bout as scairt as I ever been. Lucky wuz as pale as a mashmello and his feet was a'running but he wuzent getting nowhere.
Now 'bout that time two big hands grabbed me and Lucky in the shirt collar and pul't us from the winder by the knap of our knecks. It wuz then I saw why Lucky wasn't getting nowhere even tho he was runnin' at top speed--his feet wern't touching the ground. Then I tried to run and my feet wern't touchin' the ground neither.
What had hold of us wuz ole man Jack Trublood who had fount the matchbox and figured out the whole thing. He saw the string and the hole in the floor. He then came out of the church and foun't me and Lucky by the winder, slipped up on us, and "layed hands" on us.
Ole man Jack proceeded to take me and Lucky straight to the altar and we wuz at the mercy of those Old Saints who wuz a'prayn' for Merleen. He threw us down for the kill and left us there. I felt more hands on me than a porcupine has sticky things. Some wuz a'pattin', some wuz a'rubbin', but all them women wuz a praying so hard and so loud that I nearly trembled myself to death. I didn't dare to raise my head nor to look around for fear I might be struck blind or worse.
The "sisters" kept praying and this went on for most an hour. Some kept asking me wuz I "saved" and I finally figered out that the only way I wuz gonna git up from there was to say I wuz.
I thought when I said I was "saved" that it would end or at least slow down a little but when I did that the shoutin' started. After all that's what the church is all about-gettin' people saved!
When it wuz all over, Lukey, Lucky, Merleen and me had all said we wuz "saved" and I felt like I really wuz deilvered from something. I guess this wuz the Lord's way of paying us back for playing in church. Anyways, that's the last time we ever took anything to distract us when we went to church. Brother Jack Trublood nailed a peice of wood over that knot hole so as to pervent anything from ever being poked down under the church again.
The kiss never happen't but all this did one thing. It made Lukey to where he wuzen't 'fraid of nothing. He figered if'n he could go through that he could face anything.
Lukey agreed to go with us to where that gator wuz!! HALLELUYA!!
biggest gator part 5
Saturday was the big day
We plan'd to go and see that monster gator Saturday 'cause that's the day we can all slip off and hide from ma's and pa's. It wuz purty easy to stay in that branch all day on Saturday.
We also had to slip away frum Merleen. Ever since that "kiss thing" didn't work out she had been watchin' the three of us like a hawk after a chicken. Ever where we went, there she wuz. We would ride our bikes in the streets of town tryin' to loose her. Man! for three weeks now she wuz like fleas on a dog's back. ('Cep'ten we couldn't scratch her.)
This called for some more drastic action on our part. Just how wuz we gonna shake her? (Member she ain't scairt of nuttin' 'cept a little mouse.) We would be just wastin' our time to try to scare her off. We had to come up with somethin' she couldn't resist to draw her away frum us on Saturday.
We figured the best thing to do wuz to git her ma to make her stay home somehow. We had to git her ‘stricted to her own back yard!
We all knew that Merleen had a weakness-she loved animals. If'n she saw a stray cat, dog, or any sort like that she'd certainly make a effort to help it. This played into our hands also.
Miss Sadie Eubanks had a white cat that she luved like a young'un. She let it out ever now an then soz'en it could git some fresh air. Our plan wuz to capture that cat and dump him on Merleen's door step, knock on the door and run. Merleen wuz shore to pick that cat up and take it into the house. She'd probly hide it in her room soz'en her maw couldn't find it.
This is zactly what happent.
Ms. Sadie let out the cat an' we, Lucky and me, used a can of sardines which we had got frum the store earlier that day to make that cat innerested in comin' our way. Well we had the cat but we didn't want it to go back home so we put in a toe sack (that's home language for burlap.) Once we had the cat in the bag, so to speak, we just swung that bag 'round and 'round to make it drunk. Then we took the cat to Merleen's front porch and let the cat outta the bag. That cat just laid there like it wuz dead ceptin for the noise it wuz making. We knocked on the door and run for our lives. Merleen opened the door, saw that cat and picked it up and into the house it went.
Well Miss Sadie wuz so upset that her cat wuz missing that she started going from door to door to find it. When she got to Merleen's door she knocked and Merleen's maw answered the door. 'Bout that time Sadie called the cat's name. When that cat heard his name called, it went wild. It started running all over the room tearing down whateaver it touched. It climed the curtains and pulled them off the wall, knocked over what-nots and broke the lamp on the nite stan. All the time making a MEEEEOOOOOOW like the cry of a banshi or sump'in. Must have been all that "swingin’ ‘round in that bag made that cat scairt. Anyhow when it got its head halfway rite then it went crazy.
Now that ain't all that cat did. When cats git excited somehow it connects directly to their bowels. That's what happent this time. As that cat wuz running, so wuz its bowels. That stuff wuz ever where and the perfume that wuz with it made it impossible to stay in the room or the hallway.
I really thought they'd burn that house down to fin'ly git rid of that smell!
Needless to say, since this wuz Thursday and we wuz planning our trip to the swamp on Saturday, our Merleen problem wuz solved. She shouldn't have that mess cleaned up until the middle of next week. And her maw would make her stay home all week end. That left our way clear to go on with the plan to see that gator.
biggest gator part 6
The Gator Trail
At last we were on the trail to see the gator. Lukey wuz our guide and the plans were being made.
I wuz glad most of all that the kiss hadn't took place. First, it might have ruint Lukey for life. You see, I didn't know girls wuz made for kissin' and it would be several years a'fore I fount it out. Lukey, on the other hand, wuz a little older than me and Lucky far as thinkin' of girls and stuff is. This wuz all 'cause he wuz in luv with Merleen to begin with.
Anyhow! On with the gator search!
All that gray on the map wuz trees and bushes so thick that a gnat had trouble flying thru it. There wuz a path (the red line) that we used whenever we played "Tarzan of the Jungle" or when we jus wuz a'mind to hide from ma and pa. This path won't very long but we considered it trecherus. No tellin' what you might run up on in these woods called "the branch".
This is where we caught some of the best pet frogs in the world. Ever one we caught was already trained to scare girls. All girls that is 'ceptin Merleen Griffin. She wern't 'fraid of nuttin' but mice. These frogs were the absolute biggest in the world. Just to hear one croak in this branch wuz 'nuff to make you start to run 'afore you 'membered what that sound wuz. Personly, I think these frogs wuz born with scarin' in their blood. I also think Merleen wuz born that way too. 'Specially when I saw that "pucker" on her mouth in the church house that night. Now if'n I wuz to run up on her with a pucker on her lips down here in the swamp, I'd probly mess my pants. I can see why she wern't 'fraid of nuttin'. It wuz 'cause ever thang else wuz 'fraid of her.
You can see on the map there is a short way in and a long way in. Lukey, Lucky and me all'us took the long way. We had hidin' places ever where along that path. (Not for ourselfs but for thangs.) Whenever we fount somethin' that we wanted to keep outen our ma's and pa's hands we hid it along this path. We hid such things as matches, firecrackers, dry clothes and bullets. All this made our playin' down there more innerestin'.
We also liked this way in because the log across the creek wuz loose on one end and you could jump up and down on it to try and make the others fall off into the water. It wuz kinda like a spring-board. (Fact, we used it for one in the summer to jump into the creek.)
This is the spot where Lukey said he seen the gator.
biggest gator part 7
Interesting Find
This is the part that makes things get more innerestin'.
As we walked along thinkin' 'bout what we wuz gonna find, all three of us 'magined ever thing frum a giant frog (of which there wuz plenty) to some sort of giant lizard that had done growed up way past the normal size and scairt Lukey half to death.
None of us wuz prepared for what we did see.
What we found wuz a home-made gator. It wuz pieces of stove pipe put together and cut out to look like a gator. It'd been painted up and henged to make the jaw raise up. It wuz kinda scary at that.
Now you can see frum my pixture that this thing took some imaginin' and we all agreed that this wuzen't the work of no kid. This thing had to be made by a growed up and placed there to scare somebody outen their wits. Why you can see by those teeth that this wuzen't kid's work. Those teeth were cut out with some kinda scissors like my paw had in the tool shed at home. They wuz ragged and sharp on the edges!
Now that gator thing-a-ma-gig wuz rigged up sump'in like that rat in the box we used in the church house. It had a piece of some kinda cord run into it from the bottum and attached to a arm that made the top jaw raise up. The other end of that cord wuz attached to the end of the log that moved up and down when we would walk 'cross it. We fount all this out by darin' Lucky to cross the log while Lukey and me zamined the thang. There was some chicken carcusses down inside the jaw part and I supposen that's where the possums came from. You see, possums will eat anythings dead (see story about catching a possum alive.
http://www.wral.com/golo/blogpost/1586959/ We all just figuered that posssum came out of the gator after the jaw was raised.
Now here is the kicker! Lukey said he saw that gator breathing out fire and that's the part we didn't believe at'tall. But when we examined that thang, we found a lantern inside the pipe way back in the jaws of the home-made gator. IT WUZ LIT and when the jaw wuz raised you could look into the throat of gator and see that lantern.
Now that 'bout 'splains all this gator stuff.
BUT!!! we didn't like the ideee of somebody trying to scare us outen these parts of the branch 'cause that's where we played and romped all the time. If'n we had come in the short way we woulda made that jaw raise up and no doubt we would all have run outta them woods faster'n a rooster after a June Bug..
Now here wuz another puzzle. Just who made that gator and for what reason wuz it placed 'zactly where it wuz???
You can b'lieve one thang! WE WUZ GONNA FINE OUT!!!
biggest gator part 8
Search for the Truth!
Well, Lucky, Lukey and Me 'cided to leave that gator just like we fount it and try an fine out who put it there. We knowd it wuz a growed up person 'cause that cuttin' and joining of the stove pipe wuzen't the doin's of a person without 'sperience. I knowd if'n I woulda tried to cut out them teeth my hands and fingers woulda been cut to pieces.
So we wuz lookin' fer a man! (or men)
There's certain thangs we knowd:
1. A growed up did it.
2. It wuz done to scare somebody.
3. That thang wuz made outta parts a kid can't get hold uf.
(not even Lucky and me)
4. It wuz placed 'zactly where we allus crossed that creek.
5. It musta been done to scare us 'cause we were the only ones which played in the branch.
6.The three uf us weren't gonna let nobody do that to us.
7. WE WUZ GONNA GIT TO THE BOTTOM UF THIS!!!
First thang we had to do wuz to start a search a these woods. We started in a circle and kept makin' a bigger circle. We walked 'bout ten yards apart so we could keep an eye on each other. It took us 'bout three hours but we found sump'in' 'spicious lookin'. It wuz barrels conected together by pipes. There wuz a big ole pipe run frum a metal tank to a nuther tall thang and these two were joined together. One had signs that a fire had built unner it and the other had a little spiket on the side. Settig 'round this whole contraption wuz jars full of what looked like water with lids on them.
We wuz all three thirsty so Lukey got one a them jars and took off the top. Boy! this stuff weren't water!! What it wuz wuz whiskey.
We done shore nuff run up on a whiskey still. I never seen one before but I seen pixtures of them in books.
Well here we were with fourteen half a gallon jars of whiskey and we wanted water.
Lukey, Lucky and me all three never tasted whiskey afore and we wouldn't have a better chance than this ever. We just dared each other 'til Lukey said he would try it first if'n we would. Then he backed out and 'cided not to do it. Wanting to taste this stuff so bad, we agreed to all git a jar, take the tops off, and on a count of three we would all turn it up and drank some whiskey for the first time in our lives.
ONE, TWO, THREE:
WE DONE IT!!
Man wuz that stuff bad! I thought I done poisioned myself to death. I wuz a burning frum the tip a my tongue to the bottom of my guts.
What had we done???? We wuz shorely gonna die! Within minutes, my head wuz a spining, my eyes wuz blurred and my lips wuz a tinglin' like when you go to the dentis' office and he sticks that needle in your gums.
WE WUZ GONNA DIE FOR SHORE!
biggest gator part 9
Heads a Spinnin'
With "death approachin' (or so we thought) we just layed back and relaxed. Weren't much else we could do anyhow.
We all laid down and tried to stop the world frum spinnin'. I laid on a log and that log wuz a spinnin' so fast it threw me off three times. I laid back on the log and put my foot down to try and stop it frum spinnin'. That didn't do no good 'cause when I tried to stop the log frum spinnin' the whole ground started movin'.
I looked at Lucky and Lukey. They weren't having no luck stoppin' the twirlin' neither. I noticed they wuz a having trouble saying anythang I could unnerstan'. All their words wuz a runnin' together and they couldn't talk plain.
I did hear Lukey say he wuz gonna take a nuther swaller.
My goodness, what wuz he thankin'? We already couldn't motorvate. What wuz he tryin' to do go out in a blaze of glory?
Well, we already kilt ourselves, what could a little more hurt?
We all three swallered a nother gulp. I'm gonna tell you the truth, I felt kinda good!!! Before long ever thang they said wuz funny. I noticed we all three were laughing so hard we were crying and I didn't know why.
We were at somebodies' liquour still, drunk and not caring if we got caught.
Don't know how long we stayed there but I do remember heading out for home. After we fin'ly fount the path and figured out which way wuz home we headed outta the branch.
We didn't know that there was trouble waitin' for us up ahead. It wuz at the log where we usually crossed the creek. We were takin' the long way outta the branch and the log there wuzen't anchored on both sides of the creek. The side nearest to us was the "spring-board" end. Lukey tried first to cross the blame thang and he lost his balance and plummeted rite into the water of the creek. (This wuz the fall of the year so it won't no time for swimmin'.) That water wuz cold!!
As quick as a snake bitin' I reached out and grabbed Lukey by the hand and tried to pull him back to the bank. That wuz a mistake! He pult harder'n I did and he pult me rite in with him.
Our heads wuz still spinnin' a little frum that 'spiriment with the whiskey so we none could use our utinsels to good. Feet and hands just wouldn't do what we told 'em.
That water seemed to do somethang to the 'fect of that liquour. Me and Lukey began to feel a little more rite and we both struggled 'cross the branch and out the other side. That left Lucky on the other side by hisself.
Lucky said, "How am I gonna git to the other side?"
I said, "Man you are crazy, you're already on the other side."
Agin' we all busted our sides laughin'.
Lucky said, "Now you boys are on the other side and you ain't gonna fool me. I want to get to the other side too."
(Kinda reminded me of what "Sparks" allus said when he wuz preachin' 'bout everbody a wantin' to git to the other side.)
Me and Lukey said we wuz gonna leave him there 'cause we wuz freezin' from being wet. As we started to walk away we heard a loud splash. Lucky done jumped in the creek and come to this side. Now he was wet like me and Lukey. But, we wuz all on the other side at least.
I told you before we hid thangs along that path. This is one time I am glad we did. We had some extra clothes hid beside the path in a certain spot 'case we wuz to 'cide to run away or sump'in. When we got to 'em we stripped naked and put on them dry duds. Man did they feel good!!!
We wuz all dried off and headed for the house. We just couldn't stop giglin' and laughin' 'cause everthang was so dad blamed funny.
By the time we got outen the water and made our way out of the woods it wuz nearly dark and we had to git home.
Oh well, tomorrow's a nuther day and we could plan how we wuz gonna git back at whoever wuz a makin whiskey in our branch and just who wuz a mind to try and scare us off with a fake gator like that.
biggest gator part 10
Three Headaches Are Better Than One!
Sunday Mornin' dawned early and bright. Lukey, Lucky and me all had chores to do before church.
Only thang, MY HEAD HURT LIKE SOMEBODY HIT IT WITH A HAMMER!
Man! I ain't never had my head to ache like that. Ever time my heart would beat a pain shot thru my head like an injun arrow. It won't just on the inside, this ache started in the middle and filled up to the top of my skull bone. I tried to comb my hair and found out that my hair hurt. Ever time I blinked my eyes it felt like the lastic on my ju-vim-ber broke and socked me in the eyes.
And boy wuz I thirsty! I felt like if'n I didn't get some cold water I would shorely dry rite up. I went to the frigerator and got me the pichure of water and to the cabinet and got a glass. I gulped down a big glass and a half uf a nuther.
Guess whut happent next!
I got drunk all over agin! My head started spinnin' an my guts started churnin'. For long I had trouble walkin' strait. I went outta the house supposin' to do my chores but mainly to git away frum ma and pa. When I reached the chicken pen where I wus gonna get feed and throw it out for them chickens I had an awfully powerful feelin' in my guts to do somethin' I really hate to do. THROW UP!! Well, this I done. I thought I'd never stop up-chuckin' what I had eat for supper.(Thank God I hadn't eat no breakfast 'cause there wern't no need to waste perfectly good eggs and sausage with grits and ma's home-made bisquits.)
It seemed hours passes but it wuz only a few minutes or so.
Guess what?
My paw heard me making them noises and come to 'vestigate what wuz happnin'.
He said, "Boy what's wrong with you and what chew been doin?"
I said, "Nothing paw, I just don't feel too good." (And that wuz an unnerstatement.)
Paw said, "You must be comin' down with sump'in'. Get on up to the house and I'll finish these chores myself."
Now that seemed mighty nice of paw. I didn't take a split secont to think 'bout it, I just made a break for the house.
When paw got in the back door he tole ma that I wuz a'comin' down with sumpin. Uh Oh! I knew jus whut that meant. Ma called me to her and felt my head. (I thought she would shorely see how big it had grown overnight.) I don't know what is is 'bout feelin' my head that tells her so much. Then she bent down and smelt me. That musta tole her sumpin' cause she reached fer the Caster oil and a spoon. She poured out two big spoonfuls and made me take 'em.
Then she said, "Paw, I thank this boy had better stay home frum church today. He might be havin' a little more trouble than you thank."
I wuz shorely glad of that. I wouldn't have to listen to Sparks beggin' folks to get ready for the other side. Most uf all I wouldn't have to set there tryin' to hole my head up while he wuz a'doin' it. God musta knowed the shape I wuz in.
After ma and pa left fer church is when my problem really began. My gut wuz churnin' and my head wuz a'hurtin' and I didn't know what to do 'bout it.
All of a sudden, it started curin' itself. Deep in my gut was a pressure that caused me to hurt like a knife wuz a'stikin' in my belly. I knew frum past experience what this meant. I had took caster oil afore but this wuz the first time ma had ever gave me two spoons full.
I don't thank I need to continue with this 'splaning. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M A TALKIN' 'BOUT!!!!
Ma and pa wuz gone 'bout two hours and I wuz still in the toilet when they got back.
Ma said, "Son are you feelin' better?"
I said, "Shore am ma. That medicine you give me done the trick." I knowed I wuzen't gonna ever let on that I still felt bad 'cause I didn't want no more castor oil you betcha.
'Bout three a clock I met Lukey and Lucky an we talked 'bout this situation.
First off, Lukey and Lucky been through just whut I had; complete with the castor oil.
All three uf our heads ached 'til 'bout one ah clock. It wuz then we began to venture outern our houses to look fer one a nuther. Anyhow, when we wuz satisfied we weren't gonna die we began to make plans to get even with whoever did to us what they did in the swamp.
biggest gator part 11
Bombs in the Branch
It wuz time we got down to business.
Won't no way we wuz gonna let nobody git the best uf us. I tole you that before.
Now just whut we wuz gonna do would take some plannin'.
I seemed to be the planner so I put my brain into gear. This thang would take time to work out the 'zact action to take to git the most bang for our bucks so to speak.
THAT'S IT!!! Bang for our bucks.
You 'member 'bout them things we hid along the path? Well, I tole you there wuz some firecrackers amongst our stuff. I's thanking that if'n we wuz to string out kinda in a half-circle 'round that likker still and set off the firecrakers it'd shorly scare the dickens outta whoever wuz at the still.
When I tole the plan to Lukey and Lucky they thought it wuz the greatest plan they'd ever hearn uf so we wus set to perform tha bess plan ever to get e'vun wid whoever tried to scare us.
Ony thang wuz we didn't know when they would be there. So we had to plan to spen' de nite 'a' lookin' for them to show up.
I knowed a little bit 'bout tha likker makin' thang. When we wuz there I 'member seein' some barrells with some stuff in them looked like slops we feed the hawgs. It smelt to high heaven and I thank it has to get to smellin' that way jus' afore they's make likker outern it. So what we had to do wuz come down to that still and wait for that stuff to smell real sourly like and plan to be in tha woods that night. (I thank that wuz the best time to be there.)
This is jess whut we done.
Me an Lukey an Lucky convinced our maw and paw we wuz gonna stay overenite at each other's houses so as to let them thank we wuz safe and soun' durin' the nite. This give us free wheel to do what we wuz want to do.
All three of us clothed up heavy an' plan'd to spen' tha nite in tha branch near that likker still. We went in by tha long path and picked up our matches and firecrackers so as to light 'em off on t'other side uf tha still. We figur'd whoever wuz there would make a brake for it down this path and try to cross at tha log we used for a spring board. If'n you wuz in a hurry you prob'ly wouldn't make it 'cross tha log. That meant we had a purty good chance of catchin whoever it wuz when they tried to jump onto the log.
We waited and waited for someone to show up to make that likker. I s'pose it wuz 'bout 'le'em "a"clock when we heard the first noise in tha woods. Shore 'nuff this wuz tha nite tha likker makin' wuz to take place. We heard 'em talkin' and waited another hour before we spread out 'bout fifty yards apart an' lighted off them firecrackers.
When them firecrackers got to goin' it sounded like cannons 'a' faring off. Some of 'em wuz little ones and some wuz biguns. It wuz the biguns that sounded like danymite.
I ain't never heard such yellin' and hollerin'. Them two men broke into a run headed rite for tha log at tha long way into tha branch. This is jess whut I thought they'd do.
We lit off another roun' uf firecrackers and they really got into high gear. They's jumpin' logs and pushin' over bushes tha likes uf which I never seen.
The three uf us wuz kinda slippin' 'long in tha woods watchin' the 'citement. When the two uf them got to tha log bridge tha first made a jump for the springboard end and almost made it. The second made a little longer jump and landed on tha log but his legs split on tha log. One foot went on one side uf the log and one foot on tha other. He let out a loud scream that made noises bounce back tha same as he said it. It echoed 'least three or four times afore it qwit.
When this happen't we got scared and slipped back a little into the woods. We thought we'd better hide for a while. We kinda knowed we wuz caught with all thisracket. When the lie wuz fount out 'bout us stayin' together then we wuz shore caught.
What could possa'bly get us outern this'un?
biggest gator part 12
Saved by the BELLE!
Lukey, Lucky and me wuz 'a' hidin' tryin' to figure out jess how we wuz gonna git outern this'un when tha bess thang that ever did happen to us happent.
We heard the feet steps of somebuddy else in the swamp. They's coming and runnin' from the d'rection of the likker still and a yellin' to tha tops of their lungs. When they reached tha log they didn't even try to git on and git over. They jess stopped and begun to laugh so hard they fell down an' grabed their sides to keep 'em frum a bustin'.
Warn't nothing better coulda happent than for Merleen Griffin an' her new beau to come up on these two men like they did. Ya see, when they showed up it made it look like they wuz 'sponsible for tha hole thang.
We wuz offen the hook.
I didn't tell you why we wuz on tha hook in the first place.
It's kinda like this. Them two men we had scairt frum that likker still wuz my paw and Uncle Bill, Lukey and Lucky's paw. Turns out they's tha ones makin' likker in our branch.
By Merleen and her beau a follern us down there that nite they took tha blame fer the hole thang and we wuz home free!
THE END!
Copyright © 2004 - Ed Powers All Rights Reserved
